hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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