my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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