Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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