you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
