I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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