oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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