meet me or not, i'm out of control
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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