Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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