the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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