it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have feelings that need drinking.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
