Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
