Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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