Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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