this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
