she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
