Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
