I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
