it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
