we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
