She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
