A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
