Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
