he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
