How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
