Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize