She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
