Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
