I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
