Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
