She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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