Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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