don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Let's paint friendship bongs
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
