I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
