hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
