The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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