i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
