If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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