we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
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Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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