He felt like a one man threesome
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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