oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
