Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize