just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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