his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
