i think my tv is drunk
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
