Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
