I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
