I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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