...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
