It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
