HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
