Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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