Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
