No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His hands were made for my vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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