i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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