I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
