i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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