How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
