we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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