In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
