He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
