this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
