are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
