the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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