I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
