can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
