Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
