Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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