Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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