What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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