im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
