After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Randomize
