I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
