Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
