so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
