winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is classic penis vs brain.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize