just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am one with the molecules
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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